I Can’t Sing. I Will Never Pretend I Can

Years ago, I was in Durham and on the phone with my dad. I let him know I landed and was at my hotel. Even at my age, I have to let my parents know where I am. Sadly, my dad’s been gone for over a decade. Maybe he knows.

Anyway, I said, “You know I used to sound like John Lennon. Now I sound like Paul McCartney.” He retorted, “You make all the young girls cry.” He didn’t mean I sing like Barry Manilow. He meant my voice would make anyone cry. He’s right.

Sure, I wish I had the voice of Bono, Ian Curtis, David Gahan, Peter Murphy, Robert Smith, or the Moz. Oh, and the two Beatles I mentioned. They were gifted. There are many others in my boat. Far too many. But sadly, some of them think they can sing. I attend many events where we sing by the campfire or as part of our religious services. There was a guy there who used to like to sing and dance. He often said he was shocked that people didn’t recruit him from Lincoln Center to sing at the opera house or in the other theaters.

What do I do? I sing along or use their time up there as the time for a bathroom break. Some of them sing fast. Some drag it out. What should take 3-5 minutes turns into 45 minutes. That’s a lot of time in the bathroom. But it also gives you time to run over to the kitchen and get tea.

But then there are the personalities. The opera star had none. Some of the others are wonderful people. Some retired. Some working. They mean well. They want to sing. I still want to pitch for the Yankees. I blame my mother for never signing with the Bronx Bombers. That’s really a joke. Steinbrenner would have never signed me. Rightfully so. But these days, I might play and be better than whom Hal and Cash have signed.

How do I pick which “concert” I attend? There are places I go where those leading can carry a tune. But they are not friendly. In some cases, they are downright nasty and mean. I used to alternate. I recently decided I’d rather let my ears suffer with poor singing, as opposed to suffering unfriendliness.

Wednesday Matinees

Who are Better Theater Goers – Seniors or Young Adults?

By Mitchell Slepian

A week ago on a Wednesday, I saw the Don Quixote ballet as part of the American Ballet, performed at the Metropolitan Opera House. Mom and I had orchestra seats. I have seen many operas and love this theater. This was the first time I had orchestra seats. 

Metropolitan Opera House

The theater was loaded with senior citizens. Some came with their respective senior and religious organizations. Wednesdays are typical days for both seniors and young adults to attend matinees or visit museums. Countless times, I have walked through the Guggenheim, the Whitney, and other venues and noticed this occurrence.

Who acts more mature? Who is more respectful? Well, when the kids walk in, their eyes often light up. For many, it might be the first time they’ve been to the theater or the Guggenheim. Yes, they are on their phones taking tons of pictures of each other. Some get a little more dressed up than today’s teen apparel. Some don’t. 

As for the seniors, they are on their phones, too. They snap a few shots. They complain about the security and how this theater does it differently from the other one. I am a regular at all of Lincoln Center’s theaters. The complaints I heard while waiting to go through security were off base. Although each of the Center’s theaters is independent of the others, the security is pretty much the same. The kids just dealt with it and took more images.

Eventually, everyone got to their seats. Everyone sat and waited for the curtain to rise. It did. Who was quieter and stuffed their phones into their pockets? The kids. Who didn’t stop talking? The seniors. Why? Who knows? 

During the performance, many of us had to get up to use the restrooms, and the line was long. Who was more respectful while walking down the aisles? Guess. At the end of the show, I noticed empty candy wrappers and water bottles on the theater floor. Several rows looked like a garbage dump. The kids were not seated in those. Their rows were clean. 

A Great Opera

Marc and Alana loved “La bohème.” They knew they would. This was their thirteenth time seeing it. They knew the fourteenth and fifteenth viewings were on the way. The two turned their iPhones on as they exited the opera house.

Opera House, Lincoln Center

Marc had his usual sports and market notifications from Apple News. But what caught his eye was that the woman who was attacked near Lincoln Center passed. Marc flashed his phone in front of Alana’s eyes. The two of them looked at each other and slowly cracked smiles. They would never want to hurt anyone. They only use their powers for good. Before Anat turned to their side, they never sought to kill her. All they did was slow her down. But this woman was so evil and did vile things that they always believed the world would be better off without her. They decided they would toast Christy when they got their beers.

The two got into the restaurant and ordered PJ Clarke’s proper fish chips with mugs of Stella Artois. They raised their glasses and saluted Christy. But they also knew they needed to keep close watch on her. She was deadly. She could go after decent people. They texted Anat to check in on their kids and inform her of what happened.

Anat knew of the not-so-dearly departed beast. She knew she’d raise a glass as soon as her babysitting duties ended. She would never drink while minding the children. 

When Anat fought, she would never have killed anyone. This holds even when she was evil. She just wanted control and to put her enemies in their place. She and Jen even made up for what happened in camp when they were kids. Christy is a different character. 

But they were pleased that the woman she took out is dead. They would have never killed that slob. Odds are, they would have never even attacked her. That is, unless she did something to them. The beast hated Marc the most. But she had issues with the others. She had issues with everyone. The world was now a better place. But they would have to stop Christy.

Does Constantly Checking Your Email Give You Peace of Mind?

Or Does it Drive You Crazy?

By Mitchell Slepian

I remember back in the day, when you couldn’t check your email on your phone or by logging in on another computer. You had to check it on the computer you normally used. Years ago, my sister and I shared an email address. I figured out how to check it from other computers. I would log on and email her. She got a little nervous and scared. She had no idea how I was doing this. Of course, I explained everything. But I had fun for a day or two.

I remember when I was at a PR firm and on a Friday, booked the CEO (Scott D. Cook) of the company I was representing (Intuit) onto CNBC. He was supposed to be on the following Monday. I was in NYC, and Cook was in Mountain View, Calif. The producers were working out the final details. They, a coworker, and I left each other voicemails all weekend. We were checking nonstop. Monday came around, and we worked everything out with Cook’s executive assistant and he did a great interview.

These days, all we would have to do is send a few emails or texts, and everything would be set. In some jobs, you need to constantly check your email. But the question I would like to raise is: how much checking is too much? Do you check immediately before going to bed and as soon as you wake up? Does it kill when you need to turn your phone off during Broadway shows, the New York Philharmonic, and operas? When is checking excessive? Can you sit through dinner with family and friends without logging on?

The best part is that most of the time, all your emails come from your project management applications, such as Basecamp or monday.com, letting you know the web update is live or that edits have been made to a document. Oh, and there are sales pitches for things your company will never need. Or people reaching out to you to forward their resumes to HR. These people are not people you know. They are just spamming everyone they can secure an email address for. 

For the record, before I sat down to write this, I was at the gym. My workday was over. I was doing some core work and checked my email. On the super-long train ride into work that morning (due to a stalled train at a major station), I held back from checking and kept reading “Remain in Light” by Chris Frantz. I tried my best to stick with the book on my Kindle and not try to live that wildlife by checking my office’s email.  I even skipped checking my personal email accounts. I have too many of those.

Bottom line, I think it’s fine to check it in moderation. But I always remember that the email you’re waiting for, or think is coming will probably come in due time.

It is Pricier Being Single?

Single People Are Discriminated Against

By Mitchell Slepian

Being single sucks. It costs more, and you are discriminated against. In many cases, it is not our fault. Yes, I know married couples with children experience the costs of housing for themselves and their offspring. It is not cheap.

However, what I want to get at is why being single is more expensive than most people think. Do you travel? I have been to many places, including Iceland, Ireland (both Northern Ireland and the Republic), Italy, and Israel. I guess I like “I” nations. I doubt I will ever go to Iraq, Iran, or Indonesia. I have also visited Austria, Germany, Hungary, Spain, and Russia. I am leaving out a few places. But you get the point. I love booking these trips and have a fantastic travel agent. I am a repeat traveler with certain touring companies and receive the appropriate discounts. I always pay in full when booking. You often get another discount for doing that. Sounds great. The discount means nothing when they tack on several hundred dollars for being a solo traveler. Some tours do not permit it.

Yes, singles tours are available. They are usually cheesy Caribbean cruises where they do games to hook you up. They are not trips to the spots as mentioned earlier. I have only been on one cruise. It is an orange boat – The Staten Island Ferry. Once I got to steer it. I had fun. That cruise is free. Anything can get on it. If you haven’t sailed on it, go for it, and you will see what I mean by ‘anything’.

Staten Island Ferry

I go to several concerts and shows every month. Shows can be theater, opera, ballet, and other forms of entertainment. Concerts could be the NY Philharmonic or at the Beacon, Garden, and Radio City Music Hall. Sometimes I go solo. Sometimes I go with my “concert friends.” We are single and attend tons of shows. For many reasons, I prefer aisle seats. I want it to be easy if I need to get up and run to the bathroom, concession stand (I rarely buy anything there), or walk out of the show because I am bored or the performer or show is offensive. I have walked out of a few: Hadestown, Patti Smith, and Porgy & Bess stand out. Lately, the Beacon and Radio City require you to buy the aisle seat and the one next to it. I struggle with this.

Lincoln Center

In some cases, I bought the third seat. I also reached out to my group and found someone willing to join me. Alas, I got my aisle seat. For the time being, City Winery, Regal, and Yankee Stadium let me pick any seat I want. Hey, I am paying, so I should be able to buy what I want. My choices are to stay home or buy two seats and have no one seated next to me. But why should I pay more?

Dining out is just as discriminatory. I go to restaurants solo all over the city. In some places, I know the bartenders and restaurant managers quite well. I have my preferred seating, and they welcome me with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. In others, the first thing they do is try to seat you at the bar. In some places, that’s my preferred spot. Others, I want a table. Recently, I attended a performance by the NY Philharmonic. Thankfully, David Geffen Hall and the other theaters at Lincoln Center are not discriminatory. You can sit wherever you want to pay for.

Lincoln Center

Try going food shopping, whether it’s an online grocer (my preference) or a supermarket. I eat lots of fresh veggies. Most of the packages are made for families, for example, a three or four-pack of corn on the cob, peppers, carrots, etc. I love apple cider donuts. These days, I rarely eat junk. But would buy one. Trader Joe’s and the other stores do not sell them singly. You need to buy a pack of four or six. These and the veggies would not last long enough for me to eat them. I have heard from friends about health care insurance costs when they are buying for themselves.  They get ripped off.

Some are single by choice, while others are single for other reasons. Whatever they are, we deserve to be treated fairly.