The Creatures of the Incinerator, Laundry Room and Gym

To start, my dearly departed grandfather was the master of the incinerator. My grandmother would send him there all day. At one point, he knew to go. However, he was always given the nudge. But he was not a creature of it. When I say creatures of the incinerator, I don’t mean rodents. We all know they spend time there. 

What I mean are the people who can’t follow the rules. Same with the laundry room and gym. We are constantly beset with new rules on how to toss out our trash. We, those of us in apartment buildings, have the various trash cans for paper, aluminum, and within the last year or so we got our compost cans. People dwelling in houses have those cans at the top of their driveways and place them at their curbs on the appropriate days. 

I am a neat freak. I follow all the trash disposal rules. I often think of grandpa when I take out the trash. What I cannot understand is why people cannot clean out takeout containers before they place them into the receptacles in the incinerator. The other day, I walked in to throw out my newspaper and found an aluminum take-out container loaded with cheese and sauce. This happens regularly. Don’t the creatures who dump this into the recycle bins know this will bring roaches and mice? Is it that hard to rinse it out? I do. My recyclables look like they came off the assembly line and are waiting for pasta or something to be loaded up.

Let’s jump over to the laundry room. In my old apartment complex (Bay Terrace, Staten Island), I was known as laundry boy. In my current building, I either use the laundry room or drop it off at the dry cleaners. Lately, I’ve been doing it myself. I am not the best when it comes to folding. But I live.

I have to stand tall to add the Downy. Sometimes the machines do not work. I usually do laundry when I have the room to myself and have my pick of the washers and dryers. Alas, sometimes people are doing laundry with me. It is okay. I know who they are. There is a very sweet woman who says hello to everyone. Sometimes she has trouble with the machines. Sometimes she stands on top of one of the washers and sings. I am not sure why. But she does. She’s about my height. I always thought she climbed on top to add Downy. I am not sure. But I often walk into a concert. Maybe one day she will perform at the Garden. I hope the stage has a laundry room.

Then there’s the gym. Well before COVID, I had my towel in hand and wiped off each machine pre- and post-use. I now grab the Purell wipes and scrub. There are far too many people who bounce between machines and never clean anything. I am not sure they clean themselves. There’s the man who never washes his hands after using the gym’s bathroom. He never wipes any machine. There’s the couple that works out together. They proudly say during COVID they would not wear masks or give anything an extra wipe down. They sweat all over the machines. It makes no sense.

There are creatures everywhere. I don’t think they are the little creatures the Talking Heads meant when they recorded their landmark album, “Little Creatures.”

What Does the Venue Think?

By Mitchell Slepian

Last night, I saw Paul Simon at the Forest Hills Tennis Stadium. A few days ago, I was at Yankee Stadium. Just before that, I saw Lenny Kaye in the Loft at City Winery, Human League with Soft Cell and Alison Moyet at Radio City Music Hall, and Kim Deal at Pier 17. Future shows will be at the Beacon and Garden. Speaking of the Garden, we all know Taylor Swift married there on July 3. 

Paul Simon at Forest Hills Tennis Stadium

All shows brought their expected crowds. We had the aging hippies, the artsy and all-black-wearing new wave and goth crowds, and, of course, those of us decked out from head to toe in our NY Yankees apparel. It didn’t help. They embarrassed themselves by allowing the Twins to pound them. Seems to be a trend. George and the Stick must be rolling around in their graves.

Yankee Stadium

Many of us have felt the Garden shake during performances by The Who or felt connected to Bono. We’ve come to a new understanding of the world while listening to the top-notch songwriting and skills of the Cure and Depeche Mode. We ached that Siouxsie Sioux only did a few shows and did not come to NYC. 

Lenny Kaye at City Winery Loft

But did you ever wonder what the arena feels like? We know what the Stadium feels. It wants the Yankees to bring home that trophy. It’s been far too long. Sure, these venues are concrete and steel. But do they have feelings? Do they have a sense of what’s happening inside them? Does the Garden ever say to Radio City Music Hall, I wish the Human League were on my stage? I doubt the Stadium talks to Fenway Park. They hate each other. Or maybe they complain about the fans or certain players?

Human League at Radio City Music Hall

Forest Hills Tennis must have been happy to have its local Forest Hills High School boy, Paul Simon, performing at its arena. Although the schoolyard in “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard” is never officially named. Per the lyrics, it is in Corona. I have been to the schoolyards; it is believed to be. As I was listening to him perform it, I wondered how many people in the venue had ever traveled to the yards he meant. What does that schoolyard think?

Do the venues have favorite artists? Do they prefer the classic rock, goth, or pop crowds? Does it give off feelings that enhance or hurt the show? Does it get excited when one band does three or four nights? I saw Billy Joel’s residency at Madison Square Garden a few times. Does the Garden kick back into Billy’s coming tonight, and will we have his awesome crows? What does it think when Robert Smith takes the stage with the Cure, and they play in darkness vs. the more top 40 shows that light up the place? Does it prefer bands that really honed their craft to those that are marketing projects created to sell tickets and push downloads? Maybe I need to ask it. It might laugh at me. Or whisper back its thoughts.