Thank You, NYC Transit

Most New Yorkers get around via NYC Transit. Be it our “timely” buses or our ever “timely” and “clean” subways. We should not forget the Staten Island Railway. That’s like a trolley from yesteryear. But hey, today’s subway systems seem to be on that track. What track it is on no one really knows. It is unlikely we will ever know. For the record, I know all the lines. I have friends all over the USA. They often text me when they’re coming to the Big Apple and ask for train advice. I coach them as best as I can. But ‘ya never know.

Annadale Station – Staten Island Railway

Each time you ride, you can probably write a story. You need to take in the salespeople, preachers, drunks, crazies, tourists, and the performers. Today, I will focus on the quality of the service. No need to talk about the cleanliness of the stations, the trains, and the restrooms. That’s for another time.

Downtown R & W Station

Once I was on the R going to Cortlandt Street – World Trade. After City Hall, they just ran the train right to DeKalb Avenue. They didn’t tell us. Eventually it pulled into DeKalb. The tourists asked me what they should do. They were hoping to go to Ground Zero. I said we have to go to the Manhattan-bound platform and hope it goes there. Heck, we were at DeKalb. I should have just said, go to Junior’s, get a delicious burger, and a piece of its award-winning cheesecake.

Menu at Junior’s

Once I was going to see Paul McCartney at Yankee Stadium, I got on the D train. It  is supposed to run to the Stadium when there are ballgames and other events, such as concerts. A packed train flew right by the Stadium and, unlike a cutter by Mariano, missed the strike zone. In other words, it didn’t stop. The conductor sheepishly announced that they forgot to program the train to stop at 161st. He told us to get off two stops later and take the Manhattan-bound train to the Stadium. 

Yankee Stadium

Another time at the Stadium after a Yankees-Red Sox game, the station was packed beyond belief. The NYPD let everyone know they forgot to add the extra service they usually do during games. They were trying to catch up.

NYPD Boat – I know it is not an image of an officer at the subway station. But NYC Transit would not know the difference

Another day, I wanted to take the Queens-bound R to Queens. It wasn’t running. I figured I’d get an F. I went to the station and paid. They said the F wasn’t running. But they were running the E (a train that the Board of Health should condemn) through that station. But it may not go to the stop I wanted. The F wound up running through. I asked the conductor if that train was going where I needed to go. She said, “I don’t know. They didn’t tell me. Get on my train.” I did. It worked.

For a moment, let’s jump the Long Island Railroad (LIRR). A week or so ago, I saw Joe Jackson at the Beacon. I wanted to take the 2 or 3 from 72nd to Times Square to get the E. The E was out of service. I could have walked over to the F. Or take the LIRR at Penn Station. Mind you, due to construction that has been going on for years at the Forest Hills Station, only the first four cars open when it pulls in. When will it be finished? Why ask? You know. 

Joe Jackson at the Beacom

I got into what looked like the first car. I asked the conductor if I was in the right car. He said my train is stopping at Forest Hills. I asked again whether this car would open. He didn’t know. He never scanned my ticket. That happens on all the trains that have that payment procedure. I experienced that in Berlin, too. I always buy one. I am not willing to take the risk. But it does feel like I was wasting money. Or not. Honestly needs to count for something.

Then there are the nights that after games or concerts at the Garden several of the subway lines in Penn Station aren’t running and you have to walk to Herald Square or elsewhere. I have had interesting experiences on NJ Transit, PATH – Path to where is what you should ask and Metro North.

Despite all of this, it’s our way to get around and helps make NYC what it is. Keep riding.

The Match is Set. Or is it?

Alana, Anat, and Marc were hanging out at the Staten Island Ferry Terminal in St. George. Why did they choose to hang there? They loved Staten Island. They felt it was exotic.

SI Ferry

Jay was on the incoming Newhouse boat. Christy A. was across the street from the terminal near Staten Island Borough Hall. She was relatively calm for herself. She had a couple of slices at the nearby pizza place. She quenched her thirst with water.

SI Boro Hall

The boat docked, and the passengers got off. Some walked around to the section for the NYC-bound boats. Several headed to Empire Outlets, the bus stops, or the Staten Island Railway. It was a weekend. So, it was not running express. The fact that it was running at all is a shocker.

Christy was heading towards Empire Outlets. Jay was approaching the Old Navy outlet. His cousin was also approaching it. The good heroes split up. But were in sight of each other.

Pomegranate

All of a sudden, glass was flying everywhere. Pieces of moldy bread were knocking it down. Some missed, and the glass hit people. Alana, Anat and Marc furiously texted each other. They wanted to wait before they jumped in. But didn’t want to see people get hurt.

Raisins

Sadly, a piece of glass hit a little girl in the face. She started bleeding. She screamed. Her mother held her and started pressing herself against her to stop the bleeding. As she squeezed her child tighter, a piece of bread smacked her in the left eye. She fell.

Apple

The three had enough. Anat was standing on top of the roof of the Gap Outlet store. Dried fruit was deflecting the glass and bread. Alana raced out of the front door of the Guess outlet and began flooding the area with wine. From the Hagen Dazs store, pomegranates were flying. One nailed Christy A. in the head. Jay fell in a pool of wine. Christy tripped over a few raisins.

Wine

Apple seeds hit Jay in the eyes. Barley landed in his mouth. Apricots smacked Christy in the eyes. Some wound up in her nose. People were running to get away. Many jumped onto the departing Senator John J. Marchi boat. Pretty soon only the fighters were at Empire Outlets—those who didn’t get away sheltered in the stores. Anat jumped off the roof. As she landed, she kicked Jay in the head with her Timberlands. Marc pounced on Christy and poked her eyes with pomegranates. Alana kept the wine flowing.

Christy Gets More Violent

Christy was near Lincoln Center. She was not on the campus, certainly, nowhere near the fountain that Marc loves so much. The usual crowd heading to the theaters was round and about. She was watching them.

Lincoln Center

She noticed a disgusting woman, who was about 5’2 and slightly overweight, and was wearing glasses. The woman was texting on her phone using Siri. The sound of her voice nauseated Christy. She made herself sound important. At least she tried to. Christy heard such arrogance in this heinous specimen’s voice. She stood there waiting and listening. She knew she had to attack. It was a matter of timing.

The woman put her phone into her purse. As she was zipping it, stale, moldy bread landed between the zipper’s threads. All of a sudden, pieces were flying all over. They were smacking her in the head. They got caught in her eyes. One piece belted in the back. Christy just wouldn’t let up.

Turns out Marc and Alana were on their way to the opera. They were only a few blocks away and in their own world. Their twins were at Anat’s, smiling as they were eating baby food. Anat has turned into quite the mommy.

Marc and Alana were excited to see “La Boheme” for the 12th time. They couldn’t get enough of it. They knew they’d keep seeing it every opera season. Sometimes they’d see it more than once. They were heading to the brunch at the Smith before the matinee. Once it concluded, they’d wind up at PJ Clarke’s.

Christy was still attacking this woman, who was now wheezing around on the concrete and barely able to breathe. People were gathering around her. Christy was now perched atop the roof of David Geffen Hall. She was no longer slinging bread. 

Sirens were blaring as Marc and Alan approached Lincoln Center. They saw pieces of bread all over. They knew what happened. They sensed Christy was nearby. They saw the EMTs pull up and lift the woman onto a gurney. Marc froze. 

He knew the woman Christy attacked. He did not like her at all. The two used to fight at an old job like cats and dogs. Marc never wanted to see people get hurt. But in his mind, he was not upset that this woman was being rushed to the hospital. He overheard the EMTs say she was not breathing and had a lot of blood loss. They weren’t sure if she was going to make it. Tough as it was for him, he cracked a smile. This woman was the beast from hell. 

The Babies are Named

Eight days later, Alana and Marc left camp and went home. Before they left, Alana nursed her beauties. Marc sat with the Woodsman and listened. On the eighth day, the herd of buffalo approached the babies and blessed them.

Marc got behind the wheel. Alana carefully placed the babies into her Infiniti. Alana put Depeche Mode onto the sound system and signaled it was time to go. They drove straight to the temple. Their parents were waiting. Yes, these two have parents. They are very strange. Anat, Jen, and all of the others were waiting with big smiles and gifts.

The mohel was ready to perform the circumcision on the boy. He stared at the knife. The girl was beside him. She, too, stared at the knife. The mohel gave him some Shiloh wine. Anat knew the owner of the vineyard. She had him make a remarkable vintage. Marc and Alana gave out a bottle to all attendees. The girl snagged some of it. Was this a sign she would be like her mom? As the mohel cut the foreskin, the boy just smiled. His eyes fluttered. They wanted to name him Palpatine. But settled for David Benjamin. He has this funny look in his eyes. Of course, Marc and Alana were waiting to see what he would do. Would he shoot lightning out of them, like Palpatine? The two were quite worried about how powerful their children would be. To the best of their knowledge, they are the only two born to parents who both have powers. The girl was named Sarah. They were thinking of Leia or Ashoka. Or maybe just Tano. They would probably call their kids the Star Wars nicknames. Sarah and David Benjamin seemed happy. They were dressed in cute, all-black baby clothes from Sisley.

They went to the basement of the shul for bagels and lox. Jerry was bouncing around. He was making sure Gillil was ok. A great big brother he is. Suddenly, they heard some loud noises outside.

Jay was bashing cars outside the temple. Anat immediately pelted him with raisins and dates. She was taking care of business. But Jay snuck away and entered the delivery door by the kitchen and started shooting glass. A piece shot off Sarah and Benjamin David. Marc and Alana ran over to their babies. They looked like they were smirking. They were in their strollers. The two kids looked at each other.

Suddenly, the strollers started moving. Marc and Alana got nervous. They knew the kids were ok. They knew some of their friends were waiting for this moment. They wanted it to be delayed. They certainly didn’t want their parents and other relatives to see what would happen next.