Tag: Lacoste

Jay’s New Woman

Jay was tired of being beaten by Alana, Anat and Marc. To add a bigger insult, his kid, Jerry, was now beating him up. Jerry is only in first grade at the Dwight School. Jay knew Diane was cleaning herself up and wanted nothing to do with him.

Jay decided to go to church one day. Diane was heading back to shul. She was taking everything slow. Jay liked some new woman—a goth chic. Anat and Alana are as goth as it gets. Marc floats between that and his Brooks Brothers, Lacoste, and Ralph Lauren classic prep look. Musically, the superheroes are all on the same beat. Jay’s a metalhead. We know Anat went to Stanford and loved Mike Mussina.

Jay and Kari, his new chic, were fighting. The two of them are cut out for each other. Both are super dumb. The two were getting high on the beach. Someone told them to leave. Jay wanted to be tough in front of Kari. He fired glass at the guy who wanted him to get away. Jay was laughing as he was beating this poor man down. Kari was laughing so hard. Her fat belly shook. Her piercings were shaking.

The man was in a lot of pain. Jay wouldn’t let up. All of a sudden, Jay was drenched in merlot and Chenin blanc. Alana was running on the boardwalk and heard the man’s screams. She looked over towards the ocean and saw what was happening. Alana was angry. She hates it when people break up runs. She worked hard at staying in her perfect shape.

Jay shot glass at Alana. Kari was goading her guy on. She thought he was cool. Kari was so stoned she had no idea what he was doing. She saw Alana run down to the beach and tried to trip her. Big mistake. Alana belted her with figs. She fell on her fat butt.

Meanwhile, Jay was ready to fire broken glass at Alana’s face. He wanted to see her black lipstick and eyeliner turn red and blood flow all over her Joy Divions top and shorts. Glass exploded from Jay’s fingers. Alana saw it coming, shot Malbec at it, and knocked it back into Jay. Guess who turned blood red?

Marc goes back to P.S. 36

Things were not going well. The Yankees were slipping. Everything else was fine.  Marc stayed up all night to see them lose in extra innings at Fenway.  He finally got himself to sleep.

The next morning he woke up in a different place. He got out of bed and was in his Staten Island room.  He was confused. But going down the steps in his mom’s house. It looked like he was in 1978. That was the year his family moved from Sheepshead Bay to Staten Island.  He was not happy about the move.  He left his Brooklyn friends behind. No more sneaking out of the P.S. 209 schoolyard at lunchtime to go to the Hustle Inn or Z Cozy Corner. Or buying 10-cent wooden planes from the ice cream truck just outside the yard. Maybe they went airborne for three seconds.

He got on the bus at Woodrow Road and wound up in P.S. 36.

He was wearing his Sergio Valente jeans and a Lacoste polo shirt. He had his green knapsack and Star Wars lunchbox. He walked into the annex for his third-grade class. What was going on? His head was spinning. He knew he was flashing back to his youth. He didn’t drink anything before he went to bed and he never did illicit drugs.  Something was weird.

At lunchtime, he sat in the yard by himself. He saw a short, thin, cute girl with pigtails wearing all black by herself eating a sandwich. They were both third graders. Some older girls picked on her.  They grabbed her pretzel stix and juice box.  They didn’t eat the food. They just smacked it on the floor. She tried to fight back. But the girls knocked her down. She buried her head in hands, as tears dripped out of her eyes. The girls left her sitting there. Marc always being shy, walked over to her. He said, “Hi, I’m Marc. I saw what those nasty girls did. Are you okay.” She smiled and said, “I’ll be fine.  I’m Alana. I just moved here from Sheepshead Bay. I wish I had some friends.”

Marc smiled. “Wow, I moved here from Sheepshead Bay about a month ago. I miss the friends that I played Star Wars and Incredible Hulk with. I can be your friend.”

The two kids smiled at each other. They decided they wouldn’t let anyone get picked on.

The two wound up playing Star Wars in the schoolyard. They were always Sith.  They constantly argued over who was the master and the apprentice. Sometimes Marc burst out into a green guy.  For years the two were inseparable.

 

PS 36

Pomegranate — 13

Marc and Alana got off their trains. Each hoped their “meeting” would not be as horrendous as their prior two. Before heading over to Clarke’s they went to their respective banks.

They both smelled smoke and saw a haze in the air. It was emanating from the direction of the U.N. Their eyes wandered that way. The smoke thickened. Normal people would have walk in another direction. But they headed toward the source of the fire.

There were a few madmen and women lighting trash cans on fire while ranting about the world. Sirens were heard in the background.

Marc and Alana raced toward the criminals. Alana knew she couldn’t shoot her most powerful weapon, wine. It would make the fire burn brighter. But she knew she had to do something. Marc saw them. He didn’t want to get dirty. He was in his favorite Lacoste shirt and Gap jeans. He wanted to look nice for Alana.  He knew he had to stop this madness.

One of the crazies bumped into him. He pushed her away. She charged into him. He ducked. He had no desire to expose his powers at the UN. Alana was trying to put out one of the fires when someone picked up a flaming trash can and tossed it at her.

She went nuts. She kicked the can down. But got minor burns on her legs. The person who threw the can was laughing. She ran up to him and punched him so hard. His mouth fell wide open. She unleashed pounds of figs down his throat. He fell down and choked. He passed out. She walked away from him.

Meanwhile, Marc was engaged in a fight with the woman who shoved him. She was throwing garbage at him. His arms bulged. He opened his hands as pomegranates flew out his palms. Several hit the woman right in her head. He shot barley and honey. Finally, he entangled her in his weapons. She started crying. He checked to see if she was ok. As he turned around to run an EMT was racing toward them.

He knew he had to be swift. Alana was racing ahead and shooting wine at a woman who was wielding a machete. She usually fought with grape wine. But started drinking an amazing Israeli pomegranate wine and added it to her repertoire. She knew she would probably hit Marc with it. But wanted to practice to make sure it was effective.

The two kept at it. The NYPD eventually arrived. One of them tripped over one of the trashcans.

Marc and Alana started running toward Clarke’s. They were texting each other that they’d be late for their get together. But both understood why.