Tag: Bison

Alana’s in Pain

Alana’s looked like she was about to burst. She and Marc were chilling in his camp. Why they were there, no one knew. Even they couldn’t figure out why they weren’t home. The two had no clue where the nearest hospital was. Marc remembered a few hospital runs in camp after they went to Action Park. Someone always got hurt.

They had a mix of Adele, Joy Division, the Cure, U2, and Depeche Mode playing, and even a little Billy Joel, Elton John, the Ramones, and Beatles made the setlist. The fire was burning. The weather was perfect. Marc kissed her. He was very nervous. Their doctor didn’t know of their powers. They had no idea what would happen when the baby was born. They did their best research by reading Star Wars books.

Alana’s water broke. She was in the leanto that Marc slept in during his summer years. She was on the floor on top of a green blanket. The cots were long gone. She started to scream. March began to shake. Wi-Fi was nonexistent in this part of the camp. Due to the connectivity issue, they couldn’t find a video on YouTube showing how to deliver a baby. It was too late for Marc to get her into the car and use Google Maps to guide them to a hospital.

Alana’s face was redder than a tomato. Marc was pretending to be an OB/GYN. She screamed. No one heard her. Or maybe someone did. Suddenly lightning flashed. She cried. Clueless, Marc was holding her ankles. He almost fell. As Marc was falling, a hand pushed him back up. He freaked. He turned around and saw the Woodsman with his herd of buffalo. The Woodsman motioned to Marc, who stepped away. A buffalo waltzed up to Alana. It looked at her. Alana’s eyes froze. She laughed. Suddenly, a boy and a girl popped out. They were perfect.

The Buffalo Wars

Alana and Marc emerged from their Salt Lake swim. They weren’t always the brightest.  They knew the wedding was about to start. So they dried off quickly and put on appropriate attire.

They began to hike over to Antelope Island. They moved quickly. They didn’t want to miss the breaking of the glass.  As they were walking they heard deafening screams.

They knew something had to be going on. They saw a herd of bison running around near the wedding spot.  And they smelled a familiar odor. The two nodded at each other and began to high tail it to the chuppah.

“Don’t you have relations with the buffalo?” asked Alana.

“I only wish I did.  A kid I used to spend my summers with was very close to the mighty animal.  It protected him. The rest of us dreamed to have that.”

The two ran as fast as they could.

They saw Jen and Jake on the floor bleeding. They saw others in the same situation. Then they saw Anat charging on her buffalo at the bride and groom.

Alana and Marc looked at each other.  They jumped onto a tree.  As Anat was heading toward Jen and Jake, Marc jumped off the tree, while Alana shot gallons of wine into Anat’s eyes.   Anat fell off the buffalo. Marc landed on top and rode it like a stallion.  As he was riding, he was meditating. He was thinking of the great buffalo master from his earlier years.  He was channeling him. He got the buffalo to slow down and nod to the rest of the herd.

In the meantime, Alana jumped off the tree and pelted Anat with figs.  They got caught in her filthy hair. She was still on the ground after her fall. She tried to get up but tripped over her boots.  Alana showered her with pomegranate wine.

Meanwhile, the buffalo retreated. Marc hopped off his and walked over to Jake and Jen and began first aid. Alana was checking the other folks.