Tag: beach

My Wallet

Is it an Apple, a Coach, or a Jox Sox?

By Mitchell Slepian

These days, many people no longer use traditional leather wallets. You may remember them. They had a billfold and pockets for your license, credit cards, and a picture of your kid or dog. According to a report by Amazon Web Services and PYMNTs in February 2024,  79 percent of Gen Z use digital wallets. Baby boomers and seniors account for 26 percent of the digital wallet users.

Let’s reminisce about the various types of wallets available. They still exist. Let’s start with my first wallet. It was a white Jox Sox. I got the socks from my grandmother. She was and might still be the queen of socks. But they had to be Jox Sox from Thom McAn, a shoe retailer. Sadly, it shuttered its 100-plus stores in 1986. You can still get Jox Sox from Amazon. I have a pair.

In the ’70s, most of us kids kept a dollar or two in our socks. We put coins in them, too. Sometimes, that causes cuts on the soles of our feet or toes. I can remember a quarter or two floating around my sock. The change could tear through our foot protection. My favorite memory was from when I attended the Manhattan Beach Jewish Center Day Camp. The camp would take us on a field trip to L&B Spumoni Gardens to get spumoni. That’s where I developed my love of this precious treat. Our counselors told us to wait for them to get us our spumoni and not to get anything else. We were about 10 years old. 

Did we listen? We pulled a dollar out of our sock and got on the line for a Sicilian slice. Back then, a pizza slice cost around 50 or 75 cents. We knew they had the best pizza. They still do. I was last there on Memorial Day. I pulled my money out of my Timberlands wallet. It now costs $9.75 for two slices and a bottle of water.

Please note that the camp is kosher. Why did they take us to L&B? Who knows? They would pack kosher meals for us when we went to the now-closed Action Park (it reopened under another name), the beach, and on overnight trips to Cooperstown. Once, they took us to Yankee Stadium. We snuck over to the concession stands. The counselors told us they had to taste our hot dogs to see if they were kosher. So, we cut a piece off. Yeah, we and some of our trusted counselors ate all sorts of “kosher” crap from the stands in the amusement parks. And wherever else went.

In the 1980s, I attended summer camp, which was the best time of my life. Before I went, my dad handed me an old brown wallet of his. He said I should have one and carry a few dollars in it to buy stuff at the trading post. I took it. I obtained the singles from Larry, who served as our banker and purchased candy from the trading post or a hamburger meal in Bob (Slob, as we called it) Landers.

I carried that wallet with me when I needed to. For the most part, through junior and high school, I kept a dollar or two in my pocket or sock. I arrived at college and needed to carry a little more money. Not much. So, I had the wallet. My girlfriend didn’t like it, as it was worn. She bought me a new one for my birthday. It was nice. I used it. When she dumped me, I went back to the trusty old wallet. Eventually, as I got older, I bought a few. I had a nice Coach wallet from Bloomingdale’s, and I received another one for my birthday from the people at a volunteer group I worked with. They just bought it for me. They had no idea if I was using a worn one or my sock. We had a meeting around my birthday. We had pizza, and they handed me the new wallet.

For the most part, now my iPhone is my wallet. I tap it at the subway turnstile. Yeah, I ditched the MetroCard, too. Eventually, New York City Transit will eliminate them. I tap and pay at the Stadium, Key Food, and most restaurants.

Ultimately, my favorite wallet will always be a sock. Preferably, a Jox.

Kari – She’s dumb

Marc was at work. He was productive and bored. Marc liked his job and company. Sometimes, he didn’t fit in with his coworkers. They had no idea about his powers. Today was one of the rare days Marc worked in his midtown office on the east side.

Alana had the day off. She went back to Riis Park to run. She hoped it was a quiet day. It was cold. But runners were on the boardwalk. She reminisced about Jen’s engagement at Coney Island. The two things she remembered most – were Marc telling Jen the two would always love each other. But they weren’t meant to be. Jen agreed. Of course, as Jen’s guy, Jake, was about to pop the question, Anat flew out of the medicinal waters and swiped the ring. Alana got it back. As we know, Jen is married and has a kid. Marc had to protect her during her whole pregnancy. Anat did everything she could to go after Jen.

While strolling down memory lane, she was running faster and faster. She was breaking a sweat. “Atmosphere” from Joy Division played into their “She’s Lost Control.” It was a fitting tune for what was about to happen.

Alana saw Kari by the water. Kari noticed Alana. Kari was higher than a kite. She had a flask of whisky. She had a needle in her arm. Her fat was bouncing around. She ran toward Alana and yelled, “You’re the bitch that beat up my boy.” Alana kept running. Kari said I can fight you with my whisky. I saw you dump your bottle of wine on Jay.

Alana thought she was dumb. However, her stupidity allowed Alana to keep her cover. Kari opened the flask and shot it at Alana. She missed. She threw some seashells at her. One hit her. Alana knew this was not worth her time. She kept running. Kari tried to run. She is too fat to pick up speed. Kari threw the flask and nailed Alana in the back. Now, she was upset.

She looked Kari right in her blue eyes. Her eyes opened, and Syrah flew out. Kari opened her mouth and tried to drink it. Alana shot figs out of her hands. The figs started to choke Kari. Alana felt bad. This girl is so pathetic. Alana walked over to her and pushed her onto the sand. She told her to stay away and said if she was smart, she should dump Jay. Kari cried on the sand. Alana cranked the Cure and resumed her run.

Jay’s New Woman

Jay was tired of being beaten by Alana, Anat and Marc. To add a bigger insult, his kid, Jerry, was now beating him up. Jerry is only in first grade at the Dwight School. Jay knew Diane was cleaning herself up and wanted nothing to do with him.

Jay decided to go to church one day. Diane was heading back to shul. She was taking everything slow. Jay liked some new woman—a goth chic. Anat and Alana are as goth as it gets. Marc floats between that and his Brooks Brothers, Lacoste, and Ralph Lauren classic prep look. Musically, the superheroes are all on the same beat. Jay’s a metalhead. We know Anat went to Stanford and loved Mike Mussina.

Jay and Kari, his new chic, were fighting. The two of them are cut out for each other. Both are super dumb. The two were getting high on the beach. Someone told them to leave. Jay wanted to be tough in front of Kari. He fired glass at the guy who wanted him to get away. Jay was laughing as he was beating this poor man down. Kari was laughing so hard. Her fat belly shook. Her piercings were shaking.

The man was in a lot of pain. Jay wouldn’t let up. All of a sudden, Jay was drenched in merlot and Chenin blanc. Alana was running on the boardwalk and heard the man’s screams. She looked over towards the ocean and saw what was happening. Alana was angry. She hates it when people break up runs. She worked hard at staying in her perfect shape.

Jay shot glass at Alana. Kari was goading her guy on. She thought he was cool. Kari was so stoned she had no idea what he was doing. She saw Alana run down to the beach and tried to trip her. Big mistake. Alana belted her with figs. She fell on her fat butt.

Meanwhile, Jay was ready to fire broken glass at Alana’s face. He wanted to see her black lipstick and eyeliner turn red and blood flow all over her Joy Divions top and shorts. Glass exploded from Jay’s fingers. Alana saw it coming, shot Malbec at it, and knocked it back into Jay. Guess who turned blood red?