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The Honeymoon

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Jen and Jake were enjoying their Aruba honeymoon. They did nothing but lie on the beach, swim and read. They were so relaxed. After the mayhem at the wedding, they deserved some peace.

Marc and Alana were lurking around and following them. They didn’t want them there. But needed the security. Marc and Alana were amazed at how people have seen them in action. Yet there’s been no mention on social media or elsewhere. They hoped it stayed that way.

The two of them went SCUBA diving and chilled on the beach. But for the most part, their attentive eyes were on Jen and Jake. Marc was happy for them. He figured he’d never marry. He would just bounce around with Alana. Deep down the two of them enjoyed it.

Jake and Alana were enjoying breakfast at the hotel. Normally they just grabbed Dunkin Donuts and orange juice at ate in their beach chairs. But Jen wanted to sit and have a real breakfast. They ordered hotcakes with blueberries and strawberries, juice, milk and bowls of Frosted Flakes. The waitress came out. with their meal. Their hearts sank. Loaded on top of their hotcakes and in their cereal bowls was dried fruit. Lots of raisins were floating in their cereal. The two lovebirds started to shake. They still breathed in whiffs of the beautiful ABC Islands air.

The waitress came over to see how they were doing. They asked why their order was wrong. The waitress said they just got a new chef from the Middle East and she must have made a mistake. The waitress said the new chef has been there about three days.

The two began to shake. Jake whispered to his new wife, “I hope your ex-boyfriend and that woman he hangs around with are here keeping watch”. “Trust me, Jake, they are here. Marc won’t let anything happen to us. Neither will Alana. “

Anat raced out of the kitchen with a special platter for the newlyweds.

The kitchen staff tried to stop her. But they were pelted with raisins

The Buffalo Wars

Alana and Marc emerged from their Salt Lake swim. They weren’t always the brightest. They knew the wedding was about to start. So they dried off quickly and put on appropriate attire.

They began to hike over to Antelope Island. They moved quickly. They didn’t want to miss the breaking of the glass. As they were walking they heard deafening screams.

They knew something had to be going on. They saw a herd of bison running around near the wedding spot. And they smelled a familiar odor. The two nodded at each other and began to high tail it to the chuppah.

“Don’t you have relations with the buffalo?” asked Alana.

“I only wish I did. A kid I used to spend my summers with was very close to the mighty animal. It protected him. The rest of us dreamed to have that.”

The two ran as fast as they could.

They saw Jen and Jake on the floor bleeding. They saw others in the same situation. Then they saw Anat charging on her buffalo at the bride and groom.

Alana and Marc looked at each other. They jumped onto a tree. As Anat was heading toward Jen and Jake, Marc jumped off the tree, while Alana shot gallons of wine into Anat’s eyes. Anat fell off the buffalo. Marc landed on top and rode it like a stallion. As he was riding, he was meditating. He was thinking of the great buffalo master from his earlier years. He was channeling him. He got the buffalo to slow down and nod to the rest of the herd.

In the meantime, Alana jumped off the tree and pelted Anat with figs. They got caught in her filthy hair. She was still on the ground after her fall. She tried to get up but tripped over her boots. Alana showered her with pomegranate wine.

Meanwhile, the buffalo retreated. Marc hopped off his and walked over to Jake and Jen and began first aid. Alana was checking the other folks.

Jen and Jake Get Married. Or do they?

Jen’s and Jake’s Antelope Island, Salt Lake wedding was rapidly approaching. Why Antelope Island? Years ago, Jake hiked it when he was on a business trip and loved the watching the buffalo roam. He believes that this animal is very spiritual. No one ever understood why.

Much planning went into it. Jake was fairly well off. So he was able to provide transportation to and from for those in need. He kept his financial status quiet. Jen loved him because of him. Not his money. She was never that type of woman. They figured Salt Lake was safe from Anat, too. Jen didn’t want Marc and Alana there to provide security services. She wanted a peaceful wedding and an amazing honeymoon in Aruba.

The big day finally arrived. All the guests looked beautiful. But no one looked prettier than Jen. The photographer took great shots of them and the herd of bison that was in the distance.

The wedding was about to begin. Everyone looked beautiful and the weather was perfect. The rabbi called everyone to order. Jake looked so strong and Jen looked like a movie star.

All of a sudden the herd of buffalo came charging at the chuppah. Anat was riding the lead buffalo. She jumped off and started hitting everyone with dates, prunes and the scary and deadly raisin.

“You were so stupid to send out online invites and post a website about this golden day. I hacked everything. The wedding is over. It’s over.”

Jen burst into to tears. Jake tried to hold her. But he was pelted with dried fruit.

They had no idea what to expect next. Their families were running. But the buffalo were charging. People always look at the beauty of the buffalo. Most people forget they are not docile animals.

If they didn’t get help soon there will be a lot seriously injured and perhaps even dead people.

Anat has issues with a mindless mobile phone user

Marc was paddling down the Jordan in Tiberias. He was at peace. Pesach concluded a few days ago and had a few days left in the Holy Land. Alana made sure the young girl they encountered at the beginning of the holiday found her aunt and had a great Seder. All was well.

Anat was back in Safed for the first time in about 10 years. She was walking through the artist section and feeling ok. She decided when she had no one to be with for the holiday to go to Israel. Her parents at one point lived in Safed. She was thinking of buying some jewelry. That was out of character for her. But Safed made you change.

After a few more days in the Holy Land, she flew back to NYC. All was going well. She was not happy. Her loneliness was getting to her. She was strolling down Third Avenue and someone mobile phone user bumped into her. She let it slide. She knew it was one of the mindless people that couldn’t put down their phone. She always wondered what was so important that people had to be engrossed in their phone 24/7? Would it kill them if they missed a text to meet their friend at Starbucks? Were they waiting for orders from the President to be deployed in a war zone? Or were they just clueless?

She kept walking and the mobile carrying woman smacked into her again. This time she screamed at her. Of course, the lady couldn’t hear her as her Earpods were blasting music. Anat had enough. Prunes went flying out her fingertips and smacked the woman in her hands. The woman’s phone fell to the ground. The woman burst into tears as she swooped her phone up off the ground. As she rose, Anat pelted her with dates. The woman fell. Anat hammered away with dried fruit. Finally, Anat had enough and walked to the Second Avenue subway.

Passover in the Old City

Jen was so excited about her upcoming wedding. But before the tied her vows she had to celebrate Pesach. She asked her grandmother to help her make a Seder at her house for the whole family and Jake’s family. Jen hoped as their married life progressed they would host plenty of holiday dinners. She was an okay cook. But grandma was better.

She was especially looking forward to living in the Sukkah with Jake in the fall. She loved that holiday. Sometimes she wished she could live in her Sukkah year round.

The family had a wonderful time at her Seder. She purchased all of her food from the Kart.

Meanwhile, Anat was in tears that her grandmother was gone for several years and her special Seders were over. She didn’t have anywhere to go. Her parents never tried to carry on the Seders. And they probably would have yelled at her all night. So she cried and cooked for herself. She never had anywhere to go. It hurt when she heard all of her coworkers talk about their Pesach and Easter plans. She knew a loving family and friends weren’t meant for her. Why this happened made up her four questions.

Alana and Marc were together as usual in the Old City. Marc finished praying at the Kotel. Then the two of them just sat there clueless before walking to their rabbi’s for the Seder. The two still were never sure of their relationship.

Tzipora went to Eran’s parents for the Seder. He was going to her family the next day. On the way, she told him about her lifestyle. Eran was shocked. But not upset. He took it maturely. He said he accepted her. And would only be upset if she went with another guy.

Marc and Alana got up and decided it was time to go to the Seder. They weren’t late. They were never late for anything. They were taking in the beauty of the Old City. They heard a small child crying and ran toward her. She was all alone. She needed her parents. They asked her a few questions. She just sobbed.

Marc and Alana didn’t want her to be alone. They asked her where her Seder was. She said in the Old City at her Aunt Miriam’s house. That didn’t help them. The girl jumped onto Alana. A tear fell from Alana’s eye. She always wanted a little girl to dress in all black. Maybe not the best image for a cute little baby. But that is Alana. She held her. The girl stopped crying and asked if she could help them find Aunt Miriam’s house.

Naturally, Marc and Alana said, yes.

Anat Wrecks Havoc in Flushing Meadow Park

Finally, Jake was able to place the ring on Jen’s finger. The two were still shaken after the melee that nearly killed them.
They began wedding planning and wondered if they needed to add security to the list of things they needed to have in place. The two lovebirds went about their business.
Meanwhile, Alana and Marc were together nearly 24/7, as they drew up plans to take out Anat.
Tzipora, on the other hand, was getting closer to Eran. But still spending time with women. She knew she had to run this by him. She feared he’d either leave him out fear that one day she’d dump him for a girl. Or be so turned on that he’d want to watch and/or join in. Tzipora was a one woman/man at a time girl. To her, it was love not some guy fantasy thing.
Alana was pounding the pavement at Flushing Meadow Park. The park was somewhat busy. But not packed. People were doing their usual things, barbecuing, kayaking on the lake, playing soccer and just having fun.
She stopped her run by the World’s Fair Globe to stretch her legs. Little kids were running through the sprinklers at the globe. All was well. As Alana broke out of her stretch, she was pelted in the head by rock hard raisins. She ducked down and started spraying wine all over. Anat was hit right the eyes.
“Why are you starting with me? We don’t even know each other. For heaven’s sake, Jen did what she did when she was a kid. Let it go.”
Anat bounced up and nailed Alana with a prune. Alana fired back with figs.
“She was brutal. There was no reason for her to act the way she did. Yeah, it was like 30 years ago. But payback is payback.”
Alana shot more wine. She shot so much that the whole park was getting intoxicated. She didn’t want to hurt anyone. So she retreated.
Meanwhile, Anat kept firing prunes and apricots at anyone that got in her way.

World’s Fair Globe, Flushing Meadows–Corona Park

Jen gets engaged at Coney Island, Or does she?

Jake was very excited. He purchased what his mom and sister decided was the perfect ring for Jen. The plan was to propose in a few days near the medicinal Coney Island waters. He was checking the weather nonstop. Nothing could ruin the big day.

Late Wednesday afternoon was perfect. Jake and Jen just finished their sixth straight ride on the Cyclone. His sister was nearby with the ring. Jen went to the ladies room, while she was taking care of business, Jake’s sister made the handoff.

Jen emerged from the restroom and told Jake she needed water. Or maybe a Coney Island Mermaid brew. Jake was happy. All was going as planned. They headed to Nathan’s. Jen found a seat, while Jake purchased the beverages and a few hot dogs and fries.

They people gazed while they were chowing down on their dogs and making idle conversation. Jake’s family was lurking in the background. As were Jen’s. Jake tipped off everyone that today was the day.

The two lovebirds disposed of their cups and walked over to the Wonder Wheel Jake smiled and started telling Jen how much he enjoyed their time together. Jen was blushing. A tear fell from her eye. The two rode the Wonder Wheel. Jake told her Jen how she was his mermaid. They exited the ride and walked toward Grimaldi’s chair on the beach.

A small beach blanket with Ariel and Flounder was waiting for them. Both of their families were around. But not in plain view. One family member was snapping photos and another videoing.

Jake trembled as he reached into his jacket pocket. Jen was shaking. She knew what was about to happen. Or did she?

“Jen, the last few months have been the best time of my life. I want this to continue for the rest of our lives.” He opened the ring box. Jen’s eyes lit up when she saw her diamonds. As Jake was about to take it out of the box to place on her finger, Anat, who had been floating unnoticed in the medicinal waters burst out of the ocean and stood in front of the lovebirds. Despite her swim, she was still filthy. Her boots were sopping wet.

“Jen, Jen, Jen. I bet you forgot about me. I learned to swim. I’m happy for you and Jake. Not. I see you have a nice life and are about to get engaged. I hope you treat your future kids to respect people. Your parents failed at that.”

Jake had no idea what was going on. Jen was shivering.

“Anat, we’ve grown up now. I have no idea what you’ve been up to. But I hope you’re doing well. Please let me be. I didn’t mean to torture you camp. Throwing you in the lake was not nice. But we were kids. Back in the day we teased each other.”

“Well, I did ok. I went to Stanford and live on the Upper East Side. I have a good job. I still don’t have friends or a boyfriend. But I don’t care. You know you threatened to steal my dried fruit. That was from my now deceased grandmother. She was the only person whoever took an interest in me. The boots I loved wearing she gave me. You took them off me and threw them around.”

“Anat, I am sorry, I was a dumb kid. Many of us were. Things were different back then. You probably in many ways did better than me.”

Anat stood listening and began to laugh. Her teeth and fists clenched.

Suddenly dried fruit flew from Anat’s hands. However, this time was it was different. She usually fights with prunes and apricots. This time she unleashed the mighty raisin. Raisins harder than stones nailed Jen and Jake. Both were shivering, as the held onto to each other. Anat ran up to them and grabbed the ring out of Jake’s hands. He was upset. But at this point he wanted he and Jen to live.

Anat tossed the ring toward the waters. It was about to land in the water. As it dropped Alana, who was swimming jumped out of the water and caught it in her teeth. Marc was right behind her. She slipped the ring into the top of her black bikini and ran toward Anat.

Anat was pelted with honey, figs and pomegranates. Marc looked over at a shaking Jen. He smiled at her. And yelled out, “I will save you. I want you to be happy. But I will always love you. And I bet you will always love me.”

Alana showered Anat with pomegranate wine. Anat fought back with even heavier raisins. The three of them volleyed for the next 15 minutes. Jen looked at Marc and smiled and mouthed out, “Your are right. But Jake is my guy now.”

Anat jumped back into the water. Although Alana wanted to place the ring on Marc’s finger, she tossed it to Jake and went after Anat.

Anat flips out over bad dried fruit

Tzipora was seeing a patient in her office at Mt. Sinai Medical Center. Several weeks ago, the young woman, a beloved teacher suffered a fractured left orbit playing basketball. She was getting better. But was still having vision and other problems as a result of her injuries. Tzipora is a young and rising neuro-ophthalmologist. She was conducting a visual field to test the optic nerves transmission of visual signals from the eyes to her patient’s brain. Thankfully the woman was doing well. Tzipora recommended a follow-up with her ophthalmologist.

She was still hanging with Eran. The ride was getting more fun. They had some serious conversations and really respected his work ethic and felt he is a genuine guy. She felt bad that she wasn’t one hundred percent faithful. But he was her only guy. She wondered whether she needed to talk to him about this. This was the first time she ever thought of telling her partner about her sexuality. But Eran was her first that she felt this deeply about.

She met him for lunch. They discussed the market, the Yankees and their plans to see Depeche Mode at Barclay’s Center in a few weeks. All was going well. Until Anat stormed into the café they were dining in. The cheery mood vanished. The aroma of freshly baked bread turned to an aroma akin to a Dumpster.

Anat sat down and ordered a cup of coffee and a salad. She started eyeing the other diners. The smiles on their faces, as they cheerfully ate with their families and friends enraged her. She sipped her coffee and nibbled on her mixed greens.

Eran and Anat kissed briefly and were feeding each other in a teeny bopper fashion.

Anat asked Joey, the server if they had any dried fruit. Of course, Joey said,. I can run into the kitchen and get you a plate. She smiled.
She continued eating. She noticed some of the lettuce was wilted and the tomato was puckered and wrinkled. Anat was calm for a moment and pushed the bad veggies off to the side of her plate. Joey came back with a plate of mixed dried fruit. She began eating it. The prunes were not as sweet as they should be. Anat knew they were past their prime. This was unsettling.

All of a sudden she started screaming about this. The server ran over to see if she was ok. He thought she might have been choking on her food or having a severe allergic reaction. He didn’t hear what she was saying. He just heard her loud somewhat inaudible screams. As he got to her table she stood up and flipped it over.

Tzipora and Eran were seated next to Anat. Some of the coffee spilled onto Eran’s pant leg. Anat started shooting fresh dried fruit from her eyes and fingers at Joey. He fell down. Anat started laughing. She hit a few other customers and ran out slamming the café’s door.

Marc and Alana Plot to take out Anat

“Alana, we need to get together. We have a real problem. Tomorrow, meet me at our bench at Wolfe’s Pond Park.”

Alana was sitting nose deep into her Kindle Fire on the Staten Island Ferry Newhouse. She jumped on the train and got off at Huguenot. As she headed to the park, she passed her and Marc’s alma mater, Tottenville High School. The two of them hated that place. Pure misery.

Marc was seated on their bench overlooking the water. Alana walked over and gave him a hello hug.

“Let me guess, our problem is that crazy boot wearing woman, who fights with prunes and dates? A few days ago, she was hurting someone in Prospect Park. We fought. She’s tough.”

Marc shook his head. “She attacked me last Sunday outside the Stadium.”

They chatted for a few minutes. Marc explained that she was actually after Jen.

“We need to take her out,” exclaimed Alana.

Marc’s blinked his eyes and smiled. “I know. But how? Do we double-team her? I don’t want her to hurt Jen.”

Marc went on to tell Alana that he thinks Jen will get married to the guy she’s dating. Alana responded by telling him that she thinks it is nice and knows the two of them will never wed anyone. Marc smiled and told her that they at least have their own messed up friendship. And that’s life.

The two got up and walked along the trail hand in hand. They continued to discuss their plan to take out Anat. Marc was assigned the task to warn Jen. Alana was somewhat jealous of Jen. Partially due to her former relationship with Marc. And because she was able to find someone. She got out of the web that chained Marc and Alana.

They left the park. Jen called Marc.

“Hey, Marc. Listen I know I will always love you and our time together. But I am moving on. I am talking marriage with Jake. I think he may get me a ring any day now.”

“That’s nice, Jen. Tell me about some crazy smelly lady named Anat who claims you tortured her when she was growing up?”

“What? How do you know her? I was thinking about her the other day. Please tell me she’s not your girlfriend. I am on a new path. I know you and Alana will always have your twisted relationship. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Anat attacked me outside the Stadium. She attacked some woman in Prospect Park. Alana broke up the fight. After she went after me, she said she’s after you.”

“We tortured her in summer camp. I was a ringleader. She couldn’t swim. We did the old “put the crazy kid in a canoe trick.” You taught it to me.

“Oh boy, Jen. You’re in for it. I will always love you, too. Be careful.”

Anat and Marc fight in the Bronx

Marc was on the 4-subway line heading up to his favorite place, the Stadium. In his mind, nothing could be better, a hot dog, knish, Pepsi and victory over the Red Sox. He went solo. He usually does. His mom came once on his birthday. He used to go with his dad.

He exited the train and went through the same turnstile he has been exiting for years. He looked at the new monstrosity of a stadium and had flashbacks of his precious old stadium. Not just his — But New York’s, the Yankees’ and the worlds. A rabbi once promised him it’d be rebuilt next to the temple and he could live in it.

He walked around the hallowed grounds of the old Stadium. It was now a kid’s park. Did these younglings know that their sliding ponds, swings and fields were once the grounds that the Babe, Iron Horse, the Yankee Clipper, Yogi, the Scooter, Reggie and many other hall of famers called home? Oh well. The sun was shining and it was a great day to take on Boston.

He purchased a bottle of water and walked by Stan’s and was ready to enter the Stadium. He downloaded his ticket and had a big smile on his face. His phone played Joy Division’s “Isolation”. He wasn’t in the mood for Alana. He’d get back to her after the game.

He probably should have read her text. He stood on the corner by the McDonald’s across the street from the Stadium. Tons of people were milling around. The ticket scalpers were doing their thing, the people who sold merchandise that fell off a truck were making the money and the smells of hot dogs, sausages and everything else permeated the air.

He gazed aimlessly at the Stadium and was about to cross the street to go in. His feet started to move him. All of a sudden he heard someone shrieking his name. At times he ran into friends from his temple, scouting, etc. at the game.

He quickly turned around. He didn’t see anyone he knew. He saw Anat and some other folks. At this point, he had no idea who or what she is. She was wearing tattered shorts, boots and a worn Big Papi t-shirt. She had a red purse with a baseball rolling around in it. She had cakes of dirt on her arms and well-toned legs. People were moving away from her. Once again, Marc glanced at the crowd and figured whoever called his name out must have thought he didn’t hear them and carried on.

“Marc, Marc,” Anat belted out.

“Do I know you? I apologize but I don’t seem to recognize you.”

“You don’t know me. We’ve never met. But your ex-girlfriend tormented me as a kid.”

He breathed in deep and asked what did Alana do. Not that she was his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend. The two have never determined their relationship. He had no idea why he picked her. But figured she might be the right choice. As a young girl people sometimes picked on her for her darkness. But she always held her ground and flew high.

“No. Not Alana. I know you went to grade school with Jen. I stalk her on Facebook. I know you dated her. I don’t like her current happiness. You don’t even know what she did to me. And yes, I know about your goth chic. We’ve met. She’s of no worry to me. “

Marc wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to go into the stadium. He had an overpriced hot dog to buy. And he likely had an expensive t-shirt to purchase. He waved goodbye to Anat. She ran toward him and raised her left boot and connected to his abdomen. He was aghast for air. He tensed up. He started chanting about the seven species of fruit and grains. The last of which is honey. He thought of when Samson killed the lion and how he found bees its tummy. As he was speaking his eyes were shooting honey at Anat. She was shooting prunes, dates and enlarged raisins out of her hands. Some hit Marc.

He began smacking her with pomegranates that were flying like Rivera’s cutter. She stomped her boots on 161Street. He shot barley. Raisins hit him the eye. He was temporarily blinded. He took a deep breath, rubbed his eyes. As his eyes opened honey with the speed of heavy rapids on the Delaware River shot out of them and knocked down Anat. She rose quickly. They battled for a few more moments. She turned looked at him and said, I’ve only just begun. Jen better watch herself. I know you’re silly enough to come to her rescue. But I am going to get her. By the way, I know you taught her about canoe swamps. Ask her what she did to me in camp. She walked off. He raced into the Stadium, bought a hot dog, took his seat and read the text he should have read an hour ago, “Marc I think we have an enemy. I was attacked by a crazy boot-clad woman who fights with dried fruit.”