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The Circumcision

Marc and Alana decided to stay faithful and were feasting on steaks at Reserve Cut.

“Well, Marc, I guess we have Brit Milah to protect.”

“Yeah, Alana. Great job in the hospital. Jen’s baby is cute.”

“He is. Think we will ever have a baby?”

Marc smiled.

“You know us. But you never know,” he said.

They sipped their wine.

The next morning the two “lovebirds” rose early and went to shul for the event.

It was a huge crowd. Lots of bagels were downstairs in the banquet room. The traditional meal after the circumcision.

Mark and Alana went to their respective sections. Jake and Jen looked so happy. But fear was written across their faces. They were so happy after the mess at their wedding that their friends and family showed.

Alana knew she knocked out Anat in the hospital. But she was by no means down for the count.

They finished morning services and the mohel came up front. The baby was quiet. Jake’s grandpa Sam was the sandek. He held the baby. The wine was poured. The bay got his first sip. Blessings were said. The foreskin was cut by the mohel. Everything was peaceful. The baby was named, Benjamin.

All went downstairs and had an amazing breakfast. Marc and Alana bid everyone farewell at the end and went to Strawberry Fields.

Alana to the rescue

Jake was sifting through Jen’s phone. He couldn’t believe he had to call his wife’s ex to save her. However, the circumstances were unusual. He texted Marc. No answer. He was being pelted with prunes, raisins and apricots. Many landed on Jen’s tummy. Hospital security was knocked out by the dried fruit.

All of a sudden, Alana and Tzipora were walking by. Alana met Tzipora at the hospital to go over Tzipora’s wedding. Eran and she were going to wed. Every now and then Tzipora still convinced Alana to jump into bed.

They heard people screaming. Tzipora said the yells were probably an accident victim. Alana didn’t think so. She heard these screams before. They were different. She saw Anat attacking Jen. Jake was down for the count. Alana looked at Tzipora and smiled.

“Anat leave her alone. Let bygones be bygones. We were all messed up when we were young.”

Anat sneered. “I’d love to. But I can’t. She should know what it felt like.”

Alana had enough. She unleashed red wine. It splattered all over Anat. She hit her right in the eyes. Some went up her nose. Funny thing is it didn’t do anything to remove her dirt. It just caked on. But it did slow her down.

Jen was raced into the delivery room. Jake followed. His box of cigars was destroyed. But he could care less.

Anat got up and pelted Alana with cannonball sized raisins. Alana ducked. This time with Anat, she was clearly in control. She sprayed Anat again and again. White and red.

Anat jumped back. She started to walk away. But Alana unleashed her full arsenal. She hadn’t fought with apples and figs for a while. But knew you can’t count Anat out. Alana was going for the kill.

All of a sudden all stopped to the sound of a babies’ first cry.

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The ninth month

The ninth month

Jen was getting big. She was healthy. She went on maternity leave, as she was due any minute. But she still checked her work email. She is too good.

It had been a quiet 9 months. Anat left her alone. Her mom and sister planned a beautiful bridal shower. She received lots of gifts. Alana was invited for protective purposes. She even wore pink. But it was quiet. Real quiet.

All of a sudden she started feeling contractions. Jake was in their kitchen. He heard her yelling. He grabbed their bag and hopped into the car.

They raced toward Mt. Sinai. Traffic was light for midday Saturday. They pulled up to the hospital.

They rush in. Jen was anxious. But handling everything well. Jake was crazed. But he knew in a little while he’d be a dad.

She was checked in. Jake calmed down. As he sat down he smelled a foul odor. He was worried. He wasn’t sure if it was a patient or his worst fear, Anat.

Jen was being brought into the delivery room. The woman attending to her was a typical hospital garb with a pair of boots. Anat looked Jen right between the eyes and smiled. Jen shivered. She screamed for Jake.

Anat smiled. As Jake got up and ran toward his wife, Anat unloaded huge raisins. They pelted him in the head and was knocked down. Jen started screaming, Marc. He was nowhere to be found.

Jen threw her phone to Jake and said get Marc.

Jen’s pregnancy

Jen announced her pregnancy to the world via Facebook. She was worried not about how she’d handle this stage of her life. But would she be safe? She was doing fine with her married life, her job as a social worker was going well. But she was scared Anat would come after her baby.

She hadn’t heard from Marc for a while. She wasn’t sure if he’d be able to protect her for the whole 9 months. And during her child’s life. She was grateful he and Alana saved her engagement, wedding and honeymoon. But she knew there had to be a limit.

The two of them had their own lives. Eventually, she figured they’d forget about her.

Turns out Marc and Alana were having dinner at City Winery while waiting for Max Weinberg to take the stage. They saw Jen’s announcement. They just looked at each other and clinked their glasses, as Weinberg opened with Thunder Road.

Naturally, Anat saw the post. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want Jen to be happy. But she was wondering if it was time to let bygones be bygones. She was just so upset with her loneliness. She knows she’s a bit off. But there had to be something that could break for her.

Anat sat on a bench in Central Park with a box of Sun-Maid raisins. What could be better? She was fairly calm.

Alana and Marc were walking hand in hand down Spring Street. As usual, Weinberg finished with Glory Days. They knew they’d never wed. Or seriously date. But just be each other’s partners in everything.

Marc’s phone buzzed. He had no desire to look. He was doing well with breaking his addiction to it. But it was nonstop. So he figured he should take a peek.

It was a note from Jen. He gave it a quick read, congratulated her and told her he and Alana had her covered. She’d be fine. But told her to be watchful.

Marc goes back to P.S. 36

Things were not going well. The Yankees were slipping. Everything else was fine. Marc stayed up all night to see them lose in extra innings at Fenway. He finally got himself to sleep.

The next morning he woke up in a different place. He got out of bed and was in his Staten Island room. He was confused. But going down the steps in his mom’s house. It looked like he was in 1978. That was the year his family moved from Sheepshead Bay to Staten Island. He was not happy about the move. He left his Brooklyn friends behind. No more sneaking out of the P.S. 209 schoolyard at lunchtime to go to the Hustle Inn or Z Cozy Corner. Or buying 10-cent wooden planes from the ice cream truck just outside the yard. Maybe they went airborne for three seconds.

He got on the bus at Woodrow Road and wound up in P.S. 36.

He was wearing his Sergio Valente jeans and a Lacoste polo shirt. He had his green knapsack and Star Wars lunchbox. He walked into the annex for his third-grade class. What was going on? His head was spinning. He knew he was flashing back to his youth. He didn’t drink anything before he went to bed and he never did illicit drugs. Something was weird.

At lunchtime, he sat in the yard by himself. He saw a short, thin, cute girl with pigtails wearing all black by herself eating a sandwich. They were both third graders. Some older girls picked on her. They grabbed her pretzel stix and juice box. They didn’t eat the food. They just smacked it on the floor. She tried to fight back. But the girls knocked her down. She buried her head in hands, as tears dripped out of her eyes. The girls left her sitting there. Marc always being shy, walked over to her. He said, “Hi, I’m Marc. I saw what those nasty girls did. Are you okay.” She smiled and said, “I’ll be fine. I’m Alana. I just moved here from Sheepshead Bay. I wish I had some friends.”

Marc smiled. “Wow, I moved here from Sheepshead Bay about a month ago. I miss the friends that I played Star Wars and Incredible Hulk with. I can be your friend.”

The two kids smiled at each other. They decided they wouldn’t let anyone get picked on.

The two wound up playing Star Wars in the schoolyard. They were always Sith. They constantly argued over who was the master and the apprentice. Sometimes Marc burst out into a green guy. For years the two were inseparable.

Anat Returns

Anat’s brief employment as a hotel chef in Aruba concluded. She only worked for a few days. She didn’t accomplish her goal. So she came home to wreak havoc.

Marc was pluggin’ away and wishing for better pitching. Alana was fairly calm.

Anat strolled into her apartment and went right for her dried fruit. She ate tons of it. She was powering up. She did so some soul searching in Aruba. She wondered if she really had to take out Jen? Or if she caused enough damage? She was tired of being alone. She played she didn’t need friends or a boyfriend. But deep inside she would love to have both.

She couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. Let’s face it. She went to a great school, earned high grades and had money. She is a bit odd. But who isn’t?

She wondered about her parents. They haven’t spoken in years. They missed her college graduation. That was about 20 years ago.

She took a look in the mirror. She knew she wasn’t Drew Barrymore. But she certainly didn’t think she is ugly.

She tightened the laces on her boots and walked out of her building.

The Status Quo

Everyone was home from Aruba. Well, the newlyweds and their “security” team were. As for Anat, no one knows where she is. She apparently stormed off her Aruban “chef” job.

The gang was back at work. Jen and Jake were adjusting to married life well. Jen wanted a baby girl.

Marc and Alana were together a lot. But were not dating. Just being their usual selves. They kind of gave up on meeting people. One day they figured they’d wed as a joke. Even with their superpowers, no one could tolerate their craziness. They were made for each other. They just needed to grin and bear it and tie the knot. It was inevitable. But would likely take years.

They carried on their somewhat pathetic existence and attraction to each other. They kept the peace in the areas they visited. They didn’t let anyone get in their way. But did it in a dignified way. They just had no patience for immaturity and dishonesty. This occurred whether the people were much senior or junior to them. They forged ahead.

Alana hung with Tzipora who was talking about marriage to Eran. Alana was envious. The two of them had another tryst between the sheets. Alana wasn’t sure what she was doing with herself. Neither was Tzipora. But she needed the connection she had with Eran. She knew she Alana was just having fun. And ultimately, she’s Marc’s.

They all carried along. All was quiet.

Until…

The Honeymoon

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Jen and Jake were enjoying their Aruba honeymoon. They did nothing but lie on the beach, swim and read. They were so relaxed. After the mayhem at the wedding, they deserved some peace.

Marc and Alana were lurking around and following them. They didn’t want them there. But needed the security. Marc and Alana were amazed at how people have seen them in action. Yet there’s been no mention on social media or elsewhere. They hoped it stayed that way.

The two of them went SCUBA diving and chilled on the beach. But for the most part, their attentive eyes were on Jen and Jake. Marc was happy for them. He figured he’d never marry. He would just bounce around with Alana. Deep down the two of them enjoyed it.

Jake and Alana were enjoying breakfast at the hotel. Normally they just grabbed Dunkin Donuts and orange juice at ate in their beach chairs. But Jen wanted to sit and have a real breakfast. They ordered hotcakes with blueberries and strawberries, juice, milk and bowls of Frosted Flakes. The waitress came out. with their meal. Their hearts sank. Loaded on top of their hotcakes and in their cereal bowls was dried fruit. Lots of raisins were floating in their cereal. The two lovebirds started to shake. They still breathed in whiffs of the beautiful ABC Islands air.

The waitress came over to see how they were doing. They asked why their order was wrong. The waitress said they just got a new chef from the Middle East and she must have made a mistake. The waitress said the new chef has been there about three days.

The two began to shake. Jake whispered to his new wife, “I hope your ex-boyfriend and that woman he hangs around with are here keeping watch”. “Trust me, Jake, they are here. Marc won’t let anything happen to us. Neither will Alana. “

Anat raced out of the kitchen with a special platter for the newlyweds.

The kitchen staff tried to stop her. But they were pelted with raisins

The Buffalo Wars

Alana and Marc emerged from their Salt Lake swim. They weren’t always the brightest. They knew the wedding was about to start. So they dried off quickly and put on appropriate attire.

They began to hike over to Antelope Island. They moved quickly. They didn’t want to miss the breaking of the glass. As they were walking they heard deafening screams.

They knew something had to be going on. They saw a herd of bison running around near the wedding spot. And they smelled a familiar odor. The two nodded at each other and began to high tail it to the chuppah.

“Don’t you have relations with the buffalo?” asked Alana.

“I only wish I did. A kid I used to spend my summers with was very close to the mighty animal. It protected him. The rest of us dreamed to have that.”

The two ran as fast as they could.

They saw Jen and Jake on the floor bleeding. They saw others in the same situation. Then they saw Anat charging on her buffalo at the bride and groom.

Alana and Marc looked at each other. They jumped onto a tree. As Anat was heading toward Jen and Jake, Marc jumped off the tree, while Alana shot gallons of wine into Anat’s eyes. Anat fell off the buffalo. Marc landed on top and rode it like a stallion. As he was riding, he was meditating. He was thinking of the great buffalo master from his earlier years. He was channeling him. He got the buffalo to slow down and nod to the rest of the herd.

In the meantime, Alana jumped off the tree and pelted Anat with figs. They got caught in her filthy hair. She was still on the ground after her fall. She tried to get up but tripped over her boots. Alana showered her with pomegranate wine.

Meanwhile, the buffalo retreated. Marc hopped off his and walked over to Jake and Jen and began first aid. Alana was checking the other folks.

Jen and Jake Get Married. Or do they?

Jen’s and Jake’s Antelope Island, Salt Lake wedding was rapidly approaching. Why Antelope Island? Years ago, Jake hiked it when he was on a business trip and loved the watching the buffalo roam. He believes that this animal is very spiritual. No one ever understood why.

Much planning went into it. Jake was fairly well off. So he was able to provide transportation to and from for those in need. He kept his financial status quiet. Jen loved him because of him. Not his money. She was never that type of woman. They figured Salt Lake was safe from Anat, too. Jen didn’t want Marc and Alana there to provide security services. She wanted a peaceful wedding and an amazing honeymoon in Aruba.

The big day finally arrived. All the guests looked beautiful. But no one looked prettier than Jen. The photographer took great shots of them and the herd of bison that was in the distance.

The wedding was about to begin. Everyone looked beautiful and the weather was perfect. The rabbi called everyone to order. Jake looked so strong and Jen looked like a movie star.

All of a sudden the herd of buffalo came charging at the chuppah. Anat was riding the lead buffalo. She jumped off and started hitting everyone with dates, prunes and the scary and deadly raisin.

“You were so stupid to send out online invites and post a website about this golden day. I hacked everything. The wedding is over. It’s over.”

Jen burst into to tears. Jake tried to hold her. But he was pelted with dried fruit.

They had no idea what to expect next. Their families were running. But the buffalo were charging. People always look at the beauty of the buffalo. Most people forget they are not docile animals.

If they didn’t get help soon there will be a lot seriously injured and perhaps even dead people.